God... have mercy on us

Lord I feel regretted not to go back on Saturday...not to have chances to saygoodbye....and don't want this to happen again anytime in my life.

Lord....are you going to take his soul? are you going to take care of him? are you going to bring my whole family to you?

Lord....I don't know what to do....I don't know what to say....I really wish to have chance to hold his hands and tell him I love him...and God loves him too.

Lord....why didn't You let me see him again? What's the purpose of all these?

Lord...tell me what I should do...

還是覺得很難過

這六週在run精神科

每天聽到的都是好多好多令人鼻酸的故事

從小被性侵 得厭食症 在學被被排擠欺負

開始酗酒 用毒 繼續被藥頭性侵

被男友虐待

好想做些什麼 可是又好像什麼都不能做

想到他們的臉 又一陣鼻酸

這個世界為什麼這麼沈重？

God.....can You please help them?......

As a Christian medical student....

I want to have compassion....
I want to change and help people...
I want to share the gospel....
I wan to tell them...you have a heavenly father who love you and accept you as who you are...
I want to tell them....you have a purpose in this world....a purpose God has given you...
I want to pray for them, hold their hands, hug them and tell them "Jesus loves you and I love you too."

However, as a medical student, I can't. This may be regarded as "crossing the line" or "imposing my belief on others".
I understand that these are all God work, not mine. But God....what do you want me to do as a medical student? How can I have the compassion like You, but also carry on with life..?

You have given me this gift and calling, how should I serve Your people?

sharing and confidentiality

In an ideal church, people share their struggles, their problems, their joy and thus having true fellowship and grow together in Christ's love.

Why would people enclose their inner beings and get closer and closer? Because they trust each other and know that they are loved without being judged, knowing that they can trust this person without ending up with gossip spread around.

However, I do not find this confidentiality in my church.

Things are spread around. People gossip and tell each other "Do you know this so and so break up with so and so.." "Oh I don't want to end up with so and so with this problem".

And the saddest thing is....even when confronted with "Why are people talking about things that should kept between themselves?" They said, "talking about it is human nature....and sometimes we are not gossipping, we are just caring"

Do you know why patients share their most private problems to the doctor? Because even in the first year of medical school, we are taught again and again in terms of the confidentiality.

Do you know why would alcoholic anonymous work? Because it is ANONYMOUS! People feel the true freedom of telling the group "Hi my name is John and I'm a drug addict and alcoholic!". Instead of being judged, these people embrace each other and truly help each other with the problems.

In the past, I was very naive and simply share whatever in my mind, even my personal life and struggles. This was because God has opened up and "onioin skins"/shell and help me face with lots of things I used to refused to face. However, when knowing what kind of values and things people do, I've made up my mind. I feel sad and disappointed because this is not the church God wanted! In addition, they don't even realise this is wrong! Gossiping about people's lives has revealed the judgemental mentality and how can you expect true fellowship?

God, have mercy on my church. I want to truly love my church . I want to see the church manifest with Your love so that people around can see we are Your children.
However, at the moment I feel that I'm walking into a herd of lions, looking for "material" to "talk about" on dinner table. At the same times, instead of focusing on You alone, I felt stumbled and being hurt again and again. Lord, forgive me if I've offended You in any way. I'd like to ask for guidence and Your eyes towards the church.

balance b/w study and church ministry

This is the question/struggle I have been having since primary school days.

In primary school, I was struggling between music (piano, double bass, theory, music appreciation, etc), homework, and as a cell group leader.

In high school, I was struggling going to cell groups, youth service and preparing for the entrance exam to senior high school and university.

In university, I was struggling going to cell groups, preparing cell group teaching material, calling cell group members, prayer meeting of the cell groups, prayer meeting of cell group leaders, youth service, study, clubs, and basketball team and things I'd like to learn.

And gradually.....my views towards all these struggles gradually changed.
Now what I'm learning everyday is not JUST study, but the ministry that God has given me. Or I should put it in another way, study IS the ministry that God has given me, just as important as the ministry in the church. Therefore, of course I'd enocourage everyone to serve more in the church, to go to prayer meeting provided that they can manage other aspects of lives.

People always say "Honor God and He will honor you in what you do". However, I don't think this should be the reason to drag people to the "church ministry" and tell them that your grades will be fine because you've honored God. That's NOT true!
While giving out examples of this person still did lots of things in the church while preparing exams and God honor him at the end of giving him great results. Why not talk about people DIDN't get good grades because they are too busy
Here I'm NOT saying not to put God as the first priority but I believe that "church ministry" does not equal to "Honor God" nor "put God as first priority".
I study for God to become a better doctor because this precious opportunity was given from God!
Putting God first means study well for the exams, even if that means I can't go to prayer meeting, cell groups, practicing worship on Saturday.

Of course, there may be times where we do put "grades" above God and there may be time that God wants us to honor Him by serving in the church.

However, I simply want to say "please do not judge people who may need more time in their study. That doesn't mean that they don't honor God !"

Ideas, preferences, beliefs, habits, cultures, traditions DO NOT equal to the truth and principle that God has given us!

This is also a reminder for me till today.